I went through the transcript and pulled out the most wild, wacky and woe-is-me lines. They’re below.
And away we go!
2. “In less than two years, we’ve achieved the biggest comeback in American history. That’s what’s happened.”
The biggest comeback on what front? Economically? Internationally? Diplomatically? The US Men’s National Soccer team? Who knows! Just take his word for it. Biggest ever.
3. “And more Americans are working today than ever before. Today — ever before.”
4. “We’re calling it USMCA. You’re going to like that name. That’ll become a part of your vocabulary. USMCA.”
5. “America is winning again, and America is being respected again, maybe respected like never before, because we are finally putting America first.”
[Pulls out trusty Respect-O-Meter, checks readings] Yeah, this checks out.
6. “I’m not on the ballot, but in a certain way, I’m on the ballot.”
He’s talking about the 2018 midterms — and correct! But that is not good news for Republicans. In all but three midterm elections since the end of the Civil War, the president’s party has lost seats in the House.
7. “The only reason to vote Democrat is if you are tired of winning.”
And who could be sick of that??? Losers, that’s who.
8. “You can really get your wife to like you a lot when that happens.”
Trump is referring to the fact that 401(k) values have gone up during his presidency. So, yes, he is suggesting that a sure-fire way to a woman’s heart is by making your retirement accounts more valuable.
9. “The Democrats — and I say this — and I’ve dealt with it — the Democrats are the party of crime.”
This feels like a slight oversimplification. Maybe it’s just me.
10. “No one under any circumstances is allowed to speak up if you’re on this side of the equation.”
This sentiment, vague as it is, is the beating heart of Trumpism. His candidacy — and presidency — is a reaction to political correctness, liberal shaming and the idea that conservatives need to shut up and sit down. He took that boiling cauldron of anger and resentment and turned it into political jet fuel.
11. “And first in his class at Yale. Top, top in his class at Yale Law School.”
12. “What he’s going through: 36 years ago, this happened. ‘I had one beer.’ Right? ‘I had one beer.’ ‘Well, you think it was …’ ‘Nope, it was one beer.’ ‘Oh, good. How did you get home?’ ‘I don’t remember.’ ‘How did you get there?’ ‘I don’t remember.’ ‘Where is the place?’ ‘I don’t remember.’ ‘How many years ago was it?’ ‘I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.'”
13. “They want to destroy people. These are really evil people.”
It’s not clear to me who the “they” is in Trump’s accusations. Is it Democrats? If so, what evidence is there that Senate Democrats had any role at all in Ford’s allegations? If it’s Ford (and the other accusers of Kavanaugh), well, then that’s a whole other — and darker — thing.
14. “Da Nang Richard Blumenthal”
15. “And then he cried. When they caught him, he cried like a baby. Like a baby.”
Not much is a bigger indictment of you as a man in the eyes of Trump than if you cry. It shows weakness. It’s un-manly. One wonders, then, what Trump thought of Kavanuagh’s tear-filled opening statement to the Senate Judiciary Committee last week.
16. “And the reason he got elected is because in Connecticut it’s impossible for a Republican to get elected.”
[whispers] From 1995 through 2011, Connecticut had Republican governors.
17. “We had another woman just reported by a sleazebag lawyer named Aviante. Sleazebag. Sleazebag.”
Who is this “Aviante Sleazabag”? Sounds like a bad dude!
18. “I’ve had many false accusations. I’ve had it all the — I’ve had so many — and when I say it didn’t happen, nobody believes me.”
19. “You know, I’m listening to commentators, and they say, ‘If Trump were running, he’s going to beat everybody.’ They’re saying that. You know, it’s hard for them to admit that.”
I’m not sure where Trump is getting this quote although it’s almost certainly from cable TV — if it actually exists at all. And for what it’s worth: I think he has a real chance of winning a second term in 2020, but I wouldn’t make a prediction that he is going to win based on his not-so-great poll numbers at the moment.
20. “You know, with Biden, you go like this — whew — and he goes down.”
21. “And they say if I was on the ticket, everybody would go, it would be a landslide. Even the fakers back there, they say that.”
[narrator voice] “They” didn’t say that.
22. “We’ll be on the ballot in two years, and we will do a landslide like you haven’t — like you wouldn’t believe.”
The biggest landslide. You’ll be amazed by the size of it. Believe me.
23. “Nobody has accomplished more in two years.”
24. “You think this is a big crowd in here? This place is packed, right? Right.”
25. “Because we don’t need much of a stage. Basketball, they need a big — you’re filled up with people, like it is tonight.”
[takes out notepad] Basketball, right. [scratches head, blinks repeatedly, stares blankly into space]
26. “And that kind of dishonesty happens all the time. Happened at the inauguration. It happened at the inauguration.”
27. “We are thrilled to be joined tonight by several great Republican leaders.”
This is the first mention of why Trump is actually in Mississippi. And it comes more than halfway through the speech.
28. “Look at this guy. Is he central casting or what? Is he — look at this. He’s central casting.”
Trump’s referring to Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant — and, in so doing, reminding us all that looking the part is essential to doing the job in his mind.
29. “These are warriors. Look, the abuse they take, the abuse we all take, if you’re not a warrior, you just go home, go to the corner, put your thumb in your mouth and say, ‘Mommy, take me home.'”
Donald Trump on politicians. And crying. And warriors?
30. “He’s jumping around. The hair’s going crazy. The hair’s going crazy.”
Donald Trump has some thoughts on Bernie Sanders’ hair. Which is totally fine and not at all ironic.
31. “You know, he’s out there. He’s doing his thing, whether you like it or not. He’s out there doing his thing, and you’ve got to hand it to him.”
What’s interesting is that, I think, Trump sort of likes Sanders. They agree on almost nothing, but Trump admires his passion and spunk.
32. “Patrick Leahy — oh, he’s never had a drink in his life. Check it out. Look under ‘Patrick Leahy/drink.'”
Just the President of the United States suggesting a Democratic senator has a drinking problem. Totally normal stuff!
33. “Have to do it. We have to do it. We have to do it, and we want to do it. I want to do it. We’re all going to do it.”
What is Trump talking about here? Would you believe insurance companies covering pre-existing conditions?
34. “We’re building the wall. It’s going up.”
35. “They’re going to take your wealth away from you. They’re going to take your wealth away.”
So, if Democrats win the House, you will be poor. Case closed.
36. “We don’t have a magic wand.”
[Crosses Trump off running list of “people who might possess magic wands”]
37. “We need a real majority, and we’re going to do everything that you’ve been looking for a long time. You know, with that being said, we’ve done so much. We’ve done so much.”
In back-to-back sentences, Trump argues that if they had larger House and Senate majorities, then they could really get things done and then that they have already done so much. Sure!
38. “I love you, too. You’re not my type, but I love you.”
This was in response to a man’s yell from the crowd. I’ll just leave this here.
39. “Beautiful accent. I wish I had his accent. I would have been president 15 years ago if I had his accent.”
40. “Do you know how wealthy our country would be if they didn’t have these really stupid deals all over the place, so many of them?”
[tentatively raises hand] Um, very wealthy?
41. “The Space Force. And that’s what it’s all about, folks. You look at what’s happening. I’m not just talking rockets to the moon and to Mars. I’m talking about defense. I’m talking about — that’s where it is. It’s in space.”
The Space Force. It’s a force. In space. SPACE FORCE.
42. “Now, who knows, folks? Who knows?”
This feels like a good place to end.